It’s 2018 and we still don’t have those Back To The Future-style flying cars.
And to be perfectly honest, we couldn’t care less.
You can shove your sexbots, stick your food pills where the sun don’t shine and fly your cars into the sides of mountains for all we care.
We’ve got much better things for science’s biggest brains to work on.
From universal undo to self-cleaning everything, here are nine inventions that we actually want to see this year:
1. Video tattoos
They may not have the cathartic pain of real tattoos – although installing them might be a bit sore – but surely screen or e-ink tech is good enough to give us programmable tattoos by now?
Just think, you could change your ink to match your mood. Or just secretly cover your body in expletives during meetings.
Like that TV-B-Gone remote but for annoying people.
Point it at, say, a newspaper columnist who just says what everyone else is thinking, an internet troll or a professional outrage machine and poof! They’re gone.
Virtual reality? Pah! We want total reality, reality so real it’s realer than the realest real thing. For real.
Where VR basically means walking around with a bucket on your head, bumping into things, TR would be complete immersion – touch, taste, sound, smell, sight and umami.
Yes, there’s the potential for such technology to drive us into howling madness. But to be fair, watching Strictly does pretty much the same thing.
Obvious, yes, but we mean something specific: robots that aren’t crap.
A security bot that can be thrown into a fountain isn’t much cop.
And if you’ve ever watched a vacuum cleaner bot miss the same patch of stuff a thousand times in a row you (a) know what we’re talking about and (b) probably need to find a better hobby.
5. Self-cleaning everything
Many modern buildings have self-cleaning glass. How about bringing that to other surfaces?
Self cleaning floors. Self-cleaning stovetops. Self-cleaning white jeans. Self-cleaning children.
6. The Point Of View Gun
This world-changing invention only exists in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, but we want it: it’s a gun that instantly makes the person you shoot appreciate everybody else’s point of view.
It’d solve Twitter’s troll problem and reform Oasis.
Why isn’t this a top priority, science people?
7. Universal Undo
We hate to use an Adam Sandler film as inspiration for anything, but the Universal Remote for life he had in Click would be a welcome addition to our world.
Imagine having the power to unsend those emails, undo the accidental swipe-left on the Most Beautiful Person Ever On Tinder, unsay that really stupid thing that’ll haunt you at 4 am for the rest of your life.
The reason this doesn’t exist yet is that every time scientists invent it and test it, they undo inventing it.
8. Robot avatars
We understand that some people don’t like talking to screens. But does that mean we have to be physically present at meetings and unwelcome social occasions?
Let’s have robot avatars, robots that we control from the comfort of our sofas and that represent us in those real-life occasions that we just can’t be arsed attending.
If things got really boring we could make them all fight.
9. Printing that doesn’t cost more than perfume
We know, we know. This is the most far-fetched one of the lot.